My greatest joy is also my greatest fear. One day I will die. Dying is my greatest joy because in so doing my soul will finally be at rest with the one for whom I was created to worship and adore—The Triune God!
Being confident of where one goes after this life is priceless, and only in Christ can a person have this blessed assurance. When I stop to think about my present state before the Lord I am humbled because I know what I deserved from Him.
What I deserved, and didn’t deserve
I deserved the wrath of God. Born into sin like every other person in Adam I deserved to be crushed and cursed by God in this life and the life to come. Instead, what I deserved I didn’t receive, and what I didn’t deserve I did receive.
Rather than crushing me, God crushed His only and sinless Son-Jesus, The Christ. He who knew no sin became sin on my behalf so that those who trust in Christ would be given the righteousness of Christ.
Now, by faith in Christ Alone, I received God’s mercy and grace. I received what I didn’t deserve because of Christ sacrificial death accounted on behalf of all the elect.
Now, by faith in Christ Alone, I am seen as perfectly righteous before God. My sin has been completely removed before God because of Christ. Hallelujah, what a Savior!
Big Truths in the face of uncertainty
Those big gospel truths about the work Christ accomplished on behalf of His people keep us in times of uncertainty. When the sea waves of life seem to crash in all around us only the gospel and its implications will keep us. My greatest fear is not death itself but the fact that my wife and children will be without a husband and a father. One day I will die.
On that day my weary feet will no longer hurt. My broken body will no longer ache, and my dyslexic mind will be fully restored. My soul will forever and finally sing the praises of the only Triune God. As the hymn writer said, “What a day of rejoicing that will be.” My excitement for that day surpasses the thought of death itself but when I’m brought back to the struggle of every day my fear of death haunts me. My greatest joy is also my greatest fear. One day I will die.
Unlike those who are without the Lord, I am not afraid of where I’ll go when I die. Instead, my fear resides in the all the unknowns. Thinking about my death causes me, both to rejoice and to weep.
I rejoice because nothing on earth compares to the excellent beauties that await the children of God. On the other hand, I weep at the thought of my death because I know at that point my wife and children will be without their spiritual leader.The unknowns surrounding my death and what life will be like for my family after my death puts fear in my heart.
- Will my children come to know the Lord before my death? And if not will my death make them hardened toward the Lord? Or will my death be the catalyst the Lord uses to draw them to himself?
- Will my wife be assured of the love I had for her after my death? Or will she be assaulted with thoughts of doubt about my love for her?
- More importantly, will my wife know the love that God has for her in a rich way after my death? Or will she struggle with her identity in Christ and find her joy in broken cisterns after my death?
These and other thoughts constantly race through my mind as I think about what life will be like for my family after my death.
Now, this is where rich theology is needed. In spite of all my fears and anxieties about what the state of my family will look like after my death, the truth remains that I have no control over the time of my death or the circumstances of my family after my death.
I don’t know when I am going to die nor do I know how my death will affect my friends and family after I die, but that’s okay because God knows.
A passage of scripture that I find myself constantly going back to is found in Deuteronomy 29:29—“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but those things which are revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may do all the words of this law.”
Resting in God
The day of my death and the effect of my death on my friends and family is a secret hidden from me that only belongs to God. All I can control is how I will live and enjoy my friends and family while I am still alive.
All I can do is rest in the sovereignty of God. I know with certainty the love that God has for my precious family is greater than the love I have for them. God is not dependent on me in order to do a great work in the lives of my wife and children and because of that my soul can rest in God and enjoy my friends and family now, rather than miss the moment in the name of anxiety for something that I have no control over—My death. Rest in God oh my soul and know that your God has all things under His sovereign control. Amen!